Its 7th June, 2022 today and I complete my 6 months as a Stay at home mother.
I had my son in 2020 and touchwood by God’s grace I was able to get back to my job soon after my maternity period got over. Things were running fine personally & professionally but in Dec, 2021 I had to leave my job. My son needed me because there was no caretaker for him now and its was getting practically impossible and mentally exhausting for me to manage everything.
Last 6 months as SAHM passed rapidly. I am still trying to define my personal goals because my daily routine changes every single day (thanks to my son and his preferences). So, on one side I have got ample amount of time to spent with my kiddo but on other hand, I still struggle to get my ME-TIME.
Why am I penning down this article?
From the day I left my incredibly going job till today, I have been bombarded with many questions about my decision to leave the job. I just thought to answer once and for all.
The very first question which every one (surprisingly my closed friends & colleagues also) kept on asking. If I was able to manage job with my kid for 1.5 years, why not further? After all, my son is 2.5 now. It should be rather easy now as compared to the time when he was born.
I have a simple question to ask on this.
Who defined the correct age by which a child need assistance from his or her parents? In-fact from my experience, it was rather easy when my kid was under the age 1. It was much easier for anyone in family to engage him in any random activity. He was not walking or talking till then. He used to sleep by himself or just needed pat from anyone. But, while he was growing, his understanding increased. He was able to identify my in-out time. By my activities he could catch that I was going to disappear anytime. The more he grew, it became more difficult for anyone to handle his tantrums. Due to WFH he knew that I was somewhere in the house, behind any closed door. His continuous tapping & crying on door was enough to distract me from my work. Things were fine till my MIL was living with us, but once she left, it was way to difficult for me and my hubby to balance our jobs with a kid at home. Every night , we two used to sit and match our next days calendar just so that we can plan who will be taking care of son at which time. My son was a fussy eater so it was my sole responsibility to feed him in between my meetings and other office work. He got addicted to phone because I had no other option to engage him in between my work hours.
So Boss!! It doesn’t matter if your kid is 1 or 2 or 3 years of age, if there is no other person who can dedicate time to your kid, raising a kid with a 9 to 6 job is very difficult. One should not compromise with their child’s happiness and needs. All I wanted to see for my son was his happy face instead of a scared one who was always afraid of his mom leaving behind his back. I felt that he was becoming more inactive and irritated all the time. No parent can see their child suffer like this. If any other option would have worked out to comfort him along with my job I would definitely have given it a try.
Do I miss my job?
Don’t even ask how much!
I have been a working woman for almost a decade. I switched companies, my designations changed, my life transformed from single to married, but that 9 to 6 office life was integral part of my normal routine. And then suddenly, with a snap of fingers all was gone. Living 24*7 at home…no scrum meeting…no daily TO DO…no emails..no project deliveries….no deadlines….no TGIF feel..no Weekend wait. Truly speaking, it took me approx. a month to digest that all these are bygones for me.
And trust me after these 6 months as SAHM I give a big salute to all those ladies who are dedicating their time as home maker. Its not only a tough job….its endless. In these 6 months, I accepted that I am too bad to take care of household activities, its never ending and sometimes monotonous. I don’t enjoy Cooking, I hate it. I tried to became Master Chef for my son (my husband already know its not my area of interest), but after a few days I accepted the reality.
Please don’t judge me. Its just a point of interest and dis-interest. I never enjoyed cooking and my family is aware of it. Being an Indian girl I was trained to have some basic cooking, cleaning and other household skills but I get overwhelmed by them very soon.
Hats-Off to the ladies who are dedicated home-maker without expecting any acknowledgement. Not everyone looks at the effort a mother puts in upbringing a kid. People will always have fingers pointed on them on the slightest of their mistake but when it comes to appreciating such phenomenal women, its not considered by everyone.
It may sound like I am a greedy person but when I do something, I want to exhibit with best of my abilities and also expect a bit of appreciation in return. It motivates me and makes me a happy person.
So, Yes I miss the work I used to do and staying at home without that work has been tough for me.
If I miss my job so much, does it mean I am not a good mother?
I really don’t need to proof this to anyone. Its not like I haven’t heard of this statement in past. Our society will never leave any stone unturned to make a woman guilty of some or the other thing. No matter how best ladies put their foot forward in any field of work, there will always be some guilt (social built) deep-rooted in them. I believe all the ladies reading this article will relate to this statement. So, back to the question, missing my job doesn’t make me less affectionate to my son. He is a part of my heart, my soul. I may not be able to do everything as other mothers do but it will never lessen my love for him. And I am sure he understands this now and will understand it more while he is growing up.
So, am I enjoying my time as SAHM?
Yes. Of Course. This time will never return. My son will never be 2 again. So, I am making memories with him. You see the perks, I can sleep during daytime if my son is sleeping. We can play all day along. We cuddle for hours & hours. There is no time limitation so we explore new things, new activities every day.
Needless to say, I am concerned about my career. I know It will not be easy for me to get back to work again. Things move fast and by the time I will be ready to restart my career, I may be lagging behind in many fronts. I am trying to be in sync with the market & the technology updates so that I do not loose my track but I know it will not be enough. But, I will be ready for all those rejections & challenges coming in future. I had crossed so many huddles in the past and have came out with flying colors so I am optimistic for my future too.
Don’t expect a working mother to handle everything at home as if she has no job and at the same time don’t expect her to manage everything at workplace as if she has no kids, no personal life. All that is needed from people who are surrounding women is a little bit of progressiveness, support, trust and appreciation occasionally. You will see the difference yourself.
– Sristi Singh (Blogger)
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